quick” and I just assumed that was one of those standard phrases people use much like “whatever is meant to be will be” or “everything happens for a reason.” But nope, they were right on the money there. it’s a blink and before you know it he went from rolling over to walking.
He was born at 10:12 am via c- section. My pregnancy was easy from start to finish. I knew at 20 weeks he was bigger than average, but no one could have prepared me when they told me he was 10 pounds, 1 ounce, I about near fell off the gurney and would have if I wasn’t strapped to it. That evening the nurse told me the other moms kept asking, “Who’s the 14 pound blonde baby?” He was more like a 3 monther than a newborn, but to me there was just extra of him to love. I immediately called him chubberz and it took. My little not so little guy now tells me “done” when he is full from food and “more” when he is ready for his next bite. His favorite thing to say is “dada” and he whispers
every time he wants a “ba”which means bottle. I was so nervous about having another child but he has fit into our world effortlessly. When he holds on and hugs me it feels so natural. Like he has been there all along. He loves to spontaneously grab onto his big brother and give hugs. When we ask for kisses, he opens his mouth so wide and leaves a loving, little puddle on your face, this might be something only a mother could love but I do, I love those open mouthed kisses. He loves to follow his brother around everywhere. Big brother is everything. He growls all the time. This little growl/grunt to let you know he’s there and when I growl back he reciprocates. He’s done this since 5 months old. When he’s frustrated he squeals in this high pitch. Hard to take seriously but he means business. But the best part of all is he knows I am his mommy, we have a bond like no other. I know what he is thinking and I inevitably know his next move, just like I do with my almost 4 year old. I can predict everything they do and every reaction. This is something truly special only reserved for mommy’s.
Knowing the inside of my kid’s hearts is like knowing my own. It’s a shock that they aren’t still physically attached to me because what they feel, I certainly feel too.
I never thought I would be this sappy mother who feels the warm and fuzzies when they both climb onto my lap and I wrap both my arms around them. I never thought I would find such peace when they fall asleep on me. I never thought I would exuberantly snap pictures when the two of them are together, but I do, I do it all. While I find the next stage of their lives exciting I also find it to be a bit sad. Moving to another stage is a signal of change, and well, let’s just say that has never been easy for me. I get scared about what is around the corner sometimes, I get scared because I wonder if we have it too good and that means something not good could follow. My childhood was such a series of
serious ups and downs and I just want nothing like that for my two beautiful, perfect, little beings. But I guess being a parent involves risk and that’s what makes it so amazing because the biggest risks can often lead to the biggest and most beautiful outcomes.
So here we are faced with my chubby cherub turning 1. Another big smack in the face of the change to come. Turning 1 is one of their biggest accomplishments so far and I am greeting it, but by greeting I mean lingering in the background instead of rushing up with a high five. I sometimes feel I am
just not ready for his life to fly by while I hold onto the “oh shit”bar. I want to keep him little forever. I want to keep him safe forever. Letting go is a big part of parenting, but I am just not ready to let go of letting go yet.
In any case, my best way to embrace what is to come is to start by throwing a Berenstain Bears themed 1st birthday party. It’s actually a joint party for both my 1 year old and my 4 year old and my 4 year old was adamant that he wanted a Berenstain Bear’s theme (“no we can’t do‘Planes?’ No we can’t do ‘Curious George?’” Ok, this should be interesting!). As scared as I am for what is to come, I will definitely find total joy in celebrating the lives of these two trouble makers. I have every reason to celebrate, they made me a Mom, yes, a neurotic, controlling, worry wart, but a Mom at that, and that ain’t bad.